3/14/20 Annie here. We’ll start with “Happy Pi Day” and then get back to that later on. Matt had blood labs drawn on Tuesday, just over 2 weeks since starting his targeted treatment (8 pills split between AM and PM). The labs were to check liver enzymes/liver function as this treatment can have an impact on the organ. One number was significantly lower than previously tested–inflammation is down! We attributed that drop to the fact that last time Matt was tested he was just a couple days post-massive-ankle-sprain and inflammation was visibly evident! The liver enzyme count was up, but not to a dangerous level and so the recommendation was to stop taking “mushroom complex” supplements. Matt will ask the naturopathic oncologist to take a look at these numbers and get his holistic viewpoint.
The doctor asked Matt about any other side-effects and was REALLY surprised that Matt had NOT experienced ANY nausea. I told a co-worker this and she pointed up and said, “That’s God.” We agree!
Okay, back to Pi Day (pie day).
In this season, Matt has committed to 90 days of organic raw vegan diet (starting 1/3/20..less than 30 days left). The only cooked things he’s added are steel cut oats for breakfast and home cooked beans to add protein to salads. Trying to make things simple for grocery shopping, meal prep and general solidarity, I’ve joined him…mostly.
The past 3 weeks have been some REAL life. If someone asked me how I’m doing, they’d get mixed messages between my facial expression (bewilderment) and words, “Pretty awesome!” I’ve come to realize that in any given moment it is possible to feel completely opposite feelings and have completely opposing thoughts at the same time. REAL life isn’t this OR that, it is duality OR even many more options…
-Work has been overwhelming, work has been an immense blessing-I’m upset at someone, I feel compassion for them-I have no energy to engage, engaging gives me energy-I’m inspired, I can’t step forward-
These are just some examples, but it has come as a shock to me recently that each moment can be good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. “Is she gonna get back to Pi Day?” you ask.
One thing that has been a struggle these few weeks is that our routines have been really off for a variety of reasons, and that has resulted in me having less bandwidth for forethought–namely packing a lunch to take to work. I’ve had to run out to grab a bite and the choices I’ve made, though not bad, are not it line with what I’ve been trying to do with Matt. It doesn’t hurt him and it doesn’t hurt me (though we’re pretty convinced that the whole foods vegan way is the healthiest), but I’ve felt like I had to hide my food choices from the people around me because they’re not always in line with what I’ve said I was going to do.
I’ve found myself saying things like, “I can eat whatever I want, I’m not the sick one, I’m just going along with Matt in solidarity as much as possible.” These are not lies, but they were not the underlying truth…I was struggling with TOO much on my plate (oh the pun possibility) and really didn’t feel like I had the time, space, energy or trust to disclose the overwhelm I felt. So, yesterday, in plain view, I had a slice of Key Lime Pie with Marshmallow Meringue. It was delicious, and no one said, “boo” about it.
I didn’t fall off the wagon, but in a symbolic way acknowledged that I’m human…I struggle, I try to hide it, I own up to it, and I enjoy life! I want to speak authentically as often as possible, so if you ask me “How are you?” be prepared to encounter a hurricane carrying dandelion puffs, or if I don’t have the time to give you ALL my reality, “I’m okay.”
Well, one more thing about Matt…he’s feeling REAL life too. It’s a mixed bag, but I’ll pull out something really good. A dear friend gifted Matt a Disney+ subscription as they share a love of Star Wars and had found out that Matt had not yet experienced The Mandalorian (or baby Yoda). Matt has really enjoyed this and the other classic Disney offerings since being laid up by his bum ankle. Last night we ate our salads and watched Donald Duck get “tortured” by Chip and Dale. Something tickled Matt’s funny bone in a major way–I love it when that happens. Matt lost it laughing. Tears started to squeak out of his clamped eyelids and he covered his face with his hands as a way to try to get a grip…but it’s was just too much. And it was beautiful.
Matt & Annie - Journey 