1/9/2020 We weren’t sure why Matt was sent to pulmonology (lung specialist) first, but it came to light quickly that this specialist was the one who could confirm or contest the diagnosis given by an ENT and 2 radiologists. Yes, the images looked like metastatic disease, but the pulmonologist said we couldn’t know precisely until tissue was biopsied and studied.
This was the first doctor that greeted us with a broad smile and took the time to really listen and answer our questions. She had many questions of her own! She asked about international and domestic travels, exposures to chemicals, the type of pets we have…
She wanted to show us the lung CT to tell us what she saw, but Matt declined. He knew that it wouldn’t help his state of mind at this point. She used her whiteboard to draw a diagram instead and said that what she saw looked like pneumonia and that the lesions in the lung and brain resembled parasitic or fungal infections. She wanted Matt to get a blood test to see if he was HIV positive (immunocompromised individuals acquire these infections more easily). In the back of our minds we knew Matt was not immunocompromised, but hoped, hoped, hoped for an infectious disease outcome. Tuberculosis anyone? The plan was to get tissue sample the next week under sedation.
Leaving the appointment, we both felt the wind in our sails. There was a peace that descended on our minds, and strangely a loosening of our tight grip on the Lord. We sensed that as this ‘uncertainty’ about cancer came, our desperation for Jesus lessened for a moment. It was strange to get a few good nights of sleep based on words of ‘uncertainty’ when we had been having poor sleep also based on ‘uncertainty’…that’s what hope and fear can do. As we researched the new possibilities, our hearts reached out to Christ once again, some infections aren’t really a better option.
1/14/2020 Matt had an afternoon biopsy scheduled. I helped him situate his belongings in the medical bay and wore his wedding band for the procedure. The intake nurse asked him lots of questions prior to giving the IV including whether he used marijuana. He reported, “No” and seeing my puzzled look the nurse said, “We ask that because it affects the level of sedation needed.” Again, Matt does not do so well with needles, so I held his other hand and distracted him with stories as the IV was placed. The nurse commented that we were the sweetest, most loving couple she had seen. I prayed over Matt when she left. God has grown a new level of tenderness and honesty between us, we’re not sure if that would have come without this health crisis.
The pulmonologist (partner to the one we consulted with) and anesthesiologist came in to also ask some questions–again, “Do you use marijuana?” and then Matt was taken away for the biopsy.
I had prepared things to do while he was in surgery: writing notecards, working on my 2020 goal setting, some podcasts. I got some good things done and looking at the calendar realized that it was one year ago (1/14/2019) that I took a BIG leap of faith and bought my horse sight-unseen. No surprise now, but I named the mare: “Leap of Faith”–Faith for short. It had been just a few days prior (the 11th) that I’d been writing my list of 10 things that I was going to need BIG faith for in 2019…getting a horse was one of them after a year long search in 2018. I can’t recall precisely, but I think I went to see 15+ horses after reading perhaps 200+ ads. Matt was the one whose reassurace that this was possible opened my heart up to getting my heart-horse. It’s bizarre how things can change in a year’s time good and bad.
A nurse let me know that Matt was out of surgery. The medical staff had to do an x-ray to ensure that they hadn’t punctured a lung (standard protocol) and then I was allowed back to the recovery area. He was all clear, but still so sedated!
BEST SEDATED LINES:
Before being spoon-fed ice chips: “Are these organic?”
While looking down at his arms (blood pressure cuff, iv, pulse/pulse ox monitor): “I don’t have to go home like this right? Oh those freakin’ cats! I’m gonna get glucose all over their heads!”
“What kind of patient was I ? Did I whimper a lot?” I responded, “No, but you coughed a lot?” He asked “Why?” and I said, “You’re airway is sensitive”. Matt replied, “I am sensitive. See if you can get that in my file. I’m sensitive.”
The pulmonologist came back to tell us how the biopsy went and what to expect over the next 24 hours and that results of cell culturing, microscopic identification, and genetic testing on the cells should come back in a week to 10 days. She asked again if Matt used marijuana and we denied it again–he was just hard to keep sedate. In the procedure she was able to get tissue from a lymph node and do a lung-washing (saline squirted into the lung then suctioned back up to collect cells), but she was unable to get a lung tissue sample. Matt was just coughing too much.
I drove Matt home and he was pretty much ready to sleep for the night, but he did say more than once, “Thanks for being with me.”
Matt & Annie - Journey 