Annie: On Memorial Day (5/29) in the morning Matt was really excited to tell me about a dream he’d had and the three-tiered structure of a concept that was coming to mind. I don’t think he’d slept much the night before as he mulled over this new idea. After more than an hour of Matt trying to describe it verbally and in writing and in drawings, I asked to take a break so I could make progress on some other household tasks.

I mowed the lawns while Matt watched a movie and when I was done asked him if we could watch the replay of the church service we’d missed out on the day before. We watched it and it involved the use of post-it notes to demonstrate that throughout time God has been working through moments of trauma and moments of joy.

We probably finished up watching around 1pm and Matt began to look back and forth repeatedly between his snack on a plate and a bag of chips nearby and started talking in repeated loops of words and ideas. He was clearly distressed about what was happening, but was able to break out of it for about 20 minutes to talk about what he was experiencing and for us to both pray. Then the loops of words and ideas came back with intensity and with the addition of paranoia.

Matt was still able to follow directions to eat and take medicines and get ready for bed, but it was a struggle since he was compelled to keep talking. Several of his loops of words included trying to reach a key phrase or word that just wouldn’t come forth and then rebounded him back to the beginning. I don’t know if the power of suggestion had anything to do with it, but Matt began repeating the word Memento–the name of a movie that features a character who uses post-it notes to manage his severe short-term memory impairment.

Matt did not sleep, but rather talked all through the night. Many, many times I prayed that Matt would be freed from whatever he was stuck in and tried my best to remain attuned and responsive to him. Matt’s ramblings became more disturbing and it made me wonder if he was headed toward his passing from this life.

In the morning I decided to take Matt to the hospital. As I packed the car to get ready to go, Matt followed me around trying communicate to me about the “missing word”. He went downstairs and upstairs and navigated all around the house without using his walker–and he did really well, but he was clearly very agitated. Sometimes he screamed and cried also. I tried to get him into the car, but he was resistant. I ended up calling for an ambulance.

They arrived quickly as we’re less than a mile from the fire station. The medics remembered Matt and I from earlier in the month. They checked his vitals (all fine) and tried to calm him while I called the oncologist office. The consensus was to go ahead to take Matt to the hospital since a scan was probably needed with this significant change in cognition and behavior.

The ambulance took Matt since we were able to get him onto a stretcher and I followed behind. I regretted having just posted a “success” story in MP 35 when we were clearly going downhill–fast. Miraculously the ER waiting room was empty so Matt got right in to be seen. Although he was agitated, talking constantly, he was still able to answer some questions from the doctors. All vitals were good, but they still wanted to do a CT scan of the brain. Matt had to be sedated so that it could get done.

The initial results from the CT were that the tumors and the swelling in the brain from them had greatly reduced and that there wasn’t any clear evidence if seizure activity. So, the initial hypothesis was that Matt had had a BAD reaction to having too much steroid in his system. He was admitted to the neuro unit to do an overnight EEG scan of brainwave activity to definitively see if there were micro seizures happening.

Matt’s mom came to be with us in the hospital and she and I distracted Matt from moving around while 25 electrodes were glued to his scalp. I reassured him dozens of times that he was okay and safe and that he was just getting a scan of his brain waves. He kept thinking that he was being given full-brain radiation–it was so hard to see him not be able to hold onto new information.

I briefly ran home to check on the pets and pack an overnight bag for Matt. When I returned I continued to answer the same questions over and over for Matt and reassure him that he was safe and getting good help. His voice became more and more hoarse from having talked constantly for over 24 hours (and from having been awake for much more than that!). Around 11pm I lay down on the couch in the room to try to get some sleep myself and Matt became concerned that I was unwell. He wanted the nurse to take care of me–he insisted that I needed more water when I told him that I’d just had some only 20 minutes ago and said to the nurse, “Look at my wife, she’s so lethargic.” He eventually fell asleep around midnight.

I left the hospital around 1am (5/31) and was awakened at 2:45am because a smoke alarm was chirping–so I changed a battery–why does this always happen in the middle of the night!?

I was reawakened at 5:25am with a call from Matt’s nurse as Matt was insisting that he needed to be taking his medicine. I had only silenced the “take meds” alerts on his phone from the previous day and had to reassure Matt that he could follow the nurse’s directions on when to take medications. I got back to the hospital around 8 and by 9:30 we received the results that Matt had not had any seizure activity. All of this tribulation had come from having too much steroid. The doctor put him on a plan to continually step down the amount of steroid over the next two weeks and then to be on the minimum dose until Matt’s next scan where, hopefully, there will be zero swelling and he can stop taking it altogether. We were discharged that morning with a much more simplified medication schedule!

This was wonderful news to learn that the tumors are shrinking and Matt wasn’t having any seizures. We were both extremely fatigued and Matt’s voice was gone, but I was still able to see my clients on Wednesday and Thursday between lots of naps. Matt has again made steady progress once he was more caught up on sleep. He has shared with me other ways that he’s also experiencing improvements. Yesterday evening we got out to our backyard arm-in-arm for a slow loop around the perimeter to see what’s blooming and what’s still to come.

We’d appreciate prayer for: the ability to healthily process the mental/emotional trauma that the steroid caused (and relief from the hyper-vigilance/anxiety it has caused over every bodily sensation), continued restorative sleep at night, healing for Matt’s voice and continued overall healing.

Annie: It has been nearly 20 days since coming home from the hospital and about 20 weeks since Matt has felt well(ish). In time, he’ll tell what he feels led to share about how truly ill he had been.

But I can share…he’s getting well.

In the first week home, I was practically Matt’s shadow sticking right by home for ALL tasks. I supervised, supported, managed, coordinated, monitored, did for…as well as listened, courageously spoke truth, and prayed my heart out. With my dad here to watch over Matt, I was able to slip out a time or two for a few minutes to give my horse a quick groom, a carrot and a smooch–I didn’t have margin for anything else.

Toward the end of the week, Matt was able to do a tiny bit more for himself. I set up an outdoor self-care station so Matt could shave, brush his teeth, clip his nails, and put on some lotion. I washed his feet.

In the second week home we had visits from home health (nurse, physical therapy, occupational therapy) and Matt showed progress with his speed and ease of maneuvering with a walker to the bathroom, bedroom, deck and couch (home base). I was able to resume seeing my clients–such joy!

My dad left on Saturday (5/20) after confirming that Matt could go down and up a flight of stairs. On Sunday (5/21) I left Matt alone and got out to see my horse for a little bit checking in with Matt via text frequently–we survived that “scary” next step.

This week Matt has continued to show physical improvements. Now, when he asks me to do things for him, I’m able to ask: “Do you think you are able to do it?” We’re working on the balance between Matt’s increasing independence and his stamina and his (too high) motivation to do it all. He’s also been experiencing radical healing in other areas of his life that I know he’d like to share about himself.

Please pray for: our patient expectation within the healing process, wisdom and faith in decision making, and hearts that are actively listening and obedient to the call of Christ.

Annie: Matt is itching to contribute to blog posts and is excited to express his musings during this time as well as share a bit of how we got to this point.

While we expected to be discharged Monday (5/8) Matt’s phosphorous level was still critically low necessitating a morning IV and a retest at 4pm. Although his number improved at the retest, it was still not enough so that he had to receive another IV lasting into the wee hours of Tuesday (5/9). To those who prayed for improved levels, we thank you. For those who prayed “Thy will be done” we thank you also. The delay in going home ended up being a time of healing and blessing.

Matt and I spent Monday deep in conversation, dreaming and prayer–lots of tears and laughs too. I don’t think we would have gotten around to having some of these conversations had we been sent home as expected. Matt’s diet texture got upgraded from a full liquid diet to pureed food–he ordered a pureed vegetable lasagne and thoroughly enjoyed it! I took on the majority of giving him his PEG tube nutrition feeds, practicing for our eventual transition home.

On Tuesday morning (5/9) I got a text from Matt “3.6!, 3.6!, 3.6!” sharing that his phosphorous number was now healthy and he could go home–the minimum number being 2.0. Over the rest of the morning we met with several providers (tube feeding nurse/supplier, social worker, internal medicine doctor, dietician) who each helped check off an item of the discharge list. Not knowing how soon Matt would have the IV lines removed, he ordered more pureed lasagne. The nurse who bookended our hospital stay came to remove the lines and grab a wheelchair for the trip to the car, but Matt asked if he could stay till after lunch. She took out the lines and said that Matt could take his time eating and call when he was ready to go.

Before Matt ordered lunch, the oncology pharmacist called me to let me know that we were approved to order the medicine. She let me know that it would be $250 per month if we wanted to order right away and that it could probably be less if we applied for assistance grants but that would also mean a delay in getting the medicine. She said that her department would go ahead and “work in the background” to try for any assistance that could be available to us and that if “Melody” called to get more info from us for this assistance, “it’s not a scam.” She asked that we just let Matt’s oncologist know what we decide and when he starts taking the medicine.

I told Matt this information and of course leaning toward starting right away, we still took the time to pray. We thanked God that Matt was approved for this medicine sooner than we expected and asked God for continued provision for our needs and guidance in the way we should go. After praying I did the calculation on a year supply and considered that although it is a chunk of change, it’s going to be okay and Matt echoed that this is not as costly as what some cancer patients end up paying. It was put on our hearts to pray for those in desperate need of provision as well. We planned to go ahead with the immediate order, but decided that we would place it the next day since we were being interrupted left and right for discharge tasks.

When we were ready to go we called for the nurse and she started going over the discharge information and I got another phone call from “Melody”. She told me that she had been working on finding assistance for the medicine cost since it would be $95 a month. My jaw dropped and I said, “I though it was $250!?” She responded, “Oh, oops, I was looking at the wrong thing, yes, it is $250…but…if you’d like we can apply for a copay card and that would bring your cost to $5. Sometimes these applications get approved right away and sometimes it takes a few days because someone might need more information to process the application.”

“Oh my gosh Melody, Matt and I just prayed about this and asked God for provision and direction and He just answered it!”

“This brings tears to my eyes. You’re the third person this week who has told me that their prayer was answered when I gave them their benefit information. I’m a praying person too and I wonder how many people pray and just never tell me when it’s been answered…so you’d like to apply?”

“YES!”

Matt was also approved for the copay assistance card right away and we were able to go ahead and order. Matt and the nurse could overhear my side of the conversation and Matt told me that the nurse had tears in her eyes hearing this too. As she wheeled him out we gave her our wholehearted gratitude and she said, “I’m glad to see you go (wink).”

We got home mid-afternoon and Matt was able to do the 2 levels of stairs from the garage to the main living area and getting settled in with his first home tube feeding turned on more Star Wars. Our dog was ‘gently happy’ to see Matt and was not reactive toward Matt’s use of a walker in the house to help his steadiness as he builds back strength and balance. Matt’s pain from surgery continues to subside and he is getting faster and more coordinated at moving around the house–doing significantly more than when he was in the hospital.

We know we need to pace ourselves and make recovery our priority right now (sleep deprivation, emotional processing, getting used to new equipment and medicines, etc.). As best as I can I’ve been keeping my clients in the loop about restarting therapy (it is my passion and JOY) and they have been exceedingly gracious.

Today, Wednesday (5/10) has been our first full day home. My dad left his snow-birding earlier than he’d planned to come north arriving this afternoon to lovingly support us in this transition. He’s snoozing on one side of me and my cat is on the other side of me also snoozing. The dog is snoozing at my feet and Matt’s on another couch rewatching Star Wars “A New Hope” while I jot down the narrative of the past few day. It feels very “normal” for the moment, but I know that when we all start getting ready for bed we’ll be reminded of the newness we’re experiencing.

Things you might pray about on our behalf: decreased/eliminated side effects from current medications, no side effects from the coming medicine, Matt’s feelings of safety in our home where the seizure happened and release/healing from the traumas experienced, deeply restorative sleep, organization of all the information and supplies we’ve been provided (I’m tracking everything for Matt at this time), my longings to spend time with my horse and start back up with speech therapy clients…whatever comes to mind, and remember to thank God for being present with loving kindness in all of this.

Annie: First, a funny story…on Friday (5/5) late at night the Star Wars movie marathon that Matt had been watching switched over to women’s pro wrestling while he was snoozing. He was on some heavy pain medication for the muscle pain from surgery, which caused significant drowsiness and a bit of disorientation/confusion. He recalled to me the next day (5/6) that he had awoken a little bit and glancing at the TV and seeing the lady wrestlers thought to himself in disappointment, “Oh George (Lucas), what are you doing? I know Episode Two was bad, but why did you tank the franchise with an Alice in Wonderland and lady wrestler section? “

Matt needed pain medication a few times over (5/6) and each time it made him really sleepy and pretty disoriented so that it made it difficult to get out of bed much. Prior to his surgery to put in the PEG (feeding tube) and esophageal stent he had been cleared by physical therapy and occupational therapy to move around with only having standby assistance, but after surgery and a physical therapy reevaluation was put on higher assistance requirements. My thought is that a combination Matt’s surgery pain, the pain medication and Matt’s high-vigilance and caution with his new tube has made him less steady/coordinated and that as the healing takes place, meds are ended and he gets used to his new gadget, he’ll steadily improve. In fact, today (5/7) we’ve seen his alertness and independence improve since he’s been off of pain medication.

Yesterday and today Matt has needed some IV electrolytes to help rebalance his levels as he’s now able to take in significantly more nutrition by mouth as well as tube feed. The doctor said that he is permitted to eat as much as he wants by mouth (still soft foods so that no large pieces of food get lodged in the stent area), and that they’re expecting that we can go home tomorrow as long as his electrolyte level of phosphorous keeps trending upward. A blood test tomorrow morning will be the determiner whether we can go home or whether Matt needs more IV. The doctor also wants Matt to try to get up and walk around more today, so I’m gonna do my best as his spotter, coach and cheerleader!

Although this hospital stay is wearisome, we have had excellent care and have appreciated this extended time to just be together and talk through how things have been going in our lives and how we want them to go in the future and to consider further how God is leading us and drawing us near to Him.

Our specific prayer requests are for Matt’s phosphorous levels to improve, for the targeted treatment for cancer to arrive as quickly as possible and for Matt to be relieved from hiccups when he eats as it causes some additional discomfort around his tube.

Annie: Happy Cinco de Mayo! Matt had excellent care during his procedures–his surgeon, especially, was a truly top-notch human being toward us. Matt was moved back to his room after a short time in post-anesthesia recovery and I was here to help explain, through his fogginess, about what had taken place and the next steps. I ordered Matt some dinner (clear liquids only) 5 minutes before they shut down service at 7pm.

Matt was still pretty sleepy so I decided to head home for a little bit to check on our dog and cat and fortunately our home is less than 5 miles from the hospital. Before I left Matt, I got permission from the night nurse to come back after visiting hours since I wanted to be there to reassure Matt about what had taken place and to help him take his first sips–he hadn’t had anything but a few sips of water since the night before.

When I returned to the hospital around 9pm he was more alert and he slowly sipped an apple juice cup and by 10 pm was sound asleep. I stuck around till 10:45 thinking Matt would stay asleep for the night, and texted him a reminder of all that had gone on that day before I went to bed at home at 11:15.

I started getting texts from Matt from 3:30-5:30am. He was pretty disoriented about where I was and if I could get him more to drink and some pain meds and how to get to the bathroom and when could I bring him decaf coffee. I reminded him to use his call button and get help from his nurse–but it was frustrating for him.

I was able to get to the hospital today before 7am and got more apple juice for Matt. He downed 3 pretty quickly with no adverse effects. He still had pain from the surgery so he got meds that also made him sleepy, but he was able to still drink a couple more apple juice cups until room service could be delivered. He has now had in total: 7 apple juice cups, decaf coffee, vegetable broth, some Ensure (clear) and still has some Jello at the ready. Matt has become increasingly alert with getting all these goodies.

The gastroenterologist came by and seeing how well Matt has done with the clear liquid diet went ahead to advance his diet to “full liquid” which includes a little more substance like apple sauce and cream of wheat type textures! Matt is particularly excited for orange juice. Today he’ll start getting nutrition straight to his stomach with the PEG tube, it’s really a blessing that Matt is able to have food by mouth as well as getting maximum calories to his stomach.

We just met with the dietician who wants to slowly increase his calorie intake via tube feeding (2 feedings today, 3-4 tomorrow and 5 on Sunday) to see how he tolerates it and whether his electrolyte levels get outta whack. So that seems to mean that he won’t be discharged home until Monday. This is hard news for Matt (well, us both) as he really just wants to be at home, but we understand that specialized care is needed right now.

The good news is that the Star Wars Marathon is still going on from yesterday, but the bad news is that we had to watch Episode 1 (if you know, you know).

Annie: This will be a brief one for tonight (5/3/23) and we’ll update it more later.

Just wanted to start by clarifying some things regarding Matt’s condition. In summer 2021 we got really good scan results and the words “no active cancer”. In the fall there were several times that Matt had to metaphorically chase down his oncologist, the specialty pharmacies and insurance to keep getting the targeted treatment of oral chemo. Very frustrating! At one point insurance said they would not continue to provide until Matt had more scans–this wasn’t working out with the timing of our move. He told me that he took it as a sign that he didn’t need to/want to continue taking the chemo, but to continue pursuing natural healing. He stopped taking the chemo when supply ran out and didn’t seek out establishing care in our new town and I respected his autonomy.

We’re pretty sure that he’d had coronavirus a time or two, but of course in far corners of our minds the words cancer recurrence lurked about. We found every other reason to explain different symptoms that Matt experienced and we could deal with them ourselves. We didn’t have to get doctors involved, we didn’t have to get family or friends involved. Dang it though, it took a seizure to get Matt reengaged with conventional medicine and us facing the truth.

Although the scans are not pretty, the doctors we’ve seen think that him getting back on the targeted oral chemo is the best first step and all three major players are in agreement on this: oncologist, neurosurgeon and radiation oncologist. Since the chemo is a special type, it takes a little bit of time to receive, but we’re confident that the oncologist/pharmacist are on it. The neurologist wants Matt to be on a life long anti-seizure medication.

The current stressor for Matt is his ability to swallow and get nutrition. He’ll have testing from the gastroenterologist tomorrow, but the CT scan shows that there is part of his esophagus that is very constricted–appears that it doesn’t allow much to pass very easily. Oddly enough when Matt was in ER department on 5/1 he was able to eat a snack bag of multigrain chips and a filet of salmon (his first animal protein since July 2020)! Today he decided to try a liquid diet and got some veggie broth, tea and applesauce down for lunch and told me that a late dinner went okay too.

So, our hoped for outcomes and current prayer needs are: God’s divine healing (always), good intervention options for getting nourishment and the ability to swallow the targeted oral chemo, ease in getting the chemo (a frustration free experience would really provide Matt some peace), and getting Matt home as soon as possible. Please pray that Matt be reminded frequently-internally and externally-that although it’s really rotten to be hospitalized, he’s on the right path and can endure with patience as the Lord is near.

May the Fourth be with you! Matt is watching Empire Strikes Back as he waits for a 4pm procedure to get a removable stent placed in his esophagus as well as a removable PEG tube so that he can eat by mouth as well as get good nutrition straight to his stomach. It should be a short procedure with a little sedation and local anesthetic. The gastroenterologist said that doing these should get us headed back home sooner than later—and help Matt get his energy back for the road ahead. We feel at peace with this choice and are thankful that you’ve been praying alongside us for provision of information and wisdom.

Holy moly we’re both gonna eat so much when we get outta here! My default is food aversion when in crisis mode and a forgetfulness of appetite when I’m singleminded on taking care of business…so, I am eating, but not much…yet.

Annie: Coming clean. There is something similar about writing a blog and the act of ghosting just became clear to me–you don’t have to be wholly authentic i.e. vulnerable. In a blog you can present the polished version and put the spin on the story so that your readers end up with your desired conclusion. When ghosting, you don’t get to direct where others’ conclusions land, yet, in either case you don’t have to have real-life necessarily messy conversations–you don’t have to be the non-polished, spin-less and fully human version of yourself or have the opportunity to be loved anyway.

We are people with good hearts that get it wrong–a lot. We’re learning about our triggers, habitual patterns and shortcomings too and desiring to grow into authentically vulnerable people. So, coming clean, first with an apology from Annie–“I’m sorry to those I’ve ghosted (probably a life-long coping mechanism, but especially since June 2021 when we thought we were on our way to San Francisco and plans suddenly changed), treating you as if you were someone who wouldn’t love or care for me when I believed I was coming apart at the seams because I didn’t have the answers for all the twists and turns that our lives were taking. Please forgive me for not having faith in you or in myself to be vulnerable–I regret how I hurt you by doing so”.

This is not directly from Matt, but I imagine his apology to our readers would be something like–“I’m sorry that I didn’t have faith in your love and care for the authentic me so I hid part of myself, my weakness, so that you would hear the story I wanted you remember. Please forgive me for not having faith in you or in myself to be vulnerable–I regret how I’ve hurt you by doing so.”

We’re quite a pair, eh? We know that we should certainly have boundaries; we can keep to ourselves what feels private–not share every detail, but we truly want to grow in our abilities to be vulnerable and get the chance to also show you that you are loved and cared for in your weaknesses.

This is what I’ve shared today by text or email to several of you: Hi family/friends. This is Annie Beghtel, Matt’s wife. I ask that you’d be praying for him as he is in the hospital after having a seizure yesterday due to recurrence of cancer and tumors in the brain. He is currently stable, but has a lot of tests still to come. I’m sorry that this may come as a shock and with not many details right now, but we do covet your prayers on our behalf.

I am grateful for the replies I’ve had so far and since confessing my “ghosting” pattern, I do ask for your grace as it’s a bit too much for me to respond to each one. Truly, we are grateful that there are so many willing to pray for us and come alongside us and show us that we are loved even if and even especially when we are at our weakest. It’s humbling, and that’s a really good place to be.

Although the context of the following scripture is not quite where Paul the Apostle was headed, it does strike me that by “boasting about” our weaknesses, others, in addition to Christ, are intrinsically invited to enact the grace of Christ and His loving power toward those who need some extra special care.

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (New Living Translation)

Just wanted you to know that we desire to show love and care to you when you let your weaknesses be seen–you have already proven (toward us) that it’s possible to do so.

Matt: A couple weeks ago I turned 40 years old! Its also now 3 years since my initial diagnosis. I’ve felt the weight of that more and more the past several months. 2022 was tough. I lost my voice again for a few months, mourned the death of a family member, and to start 2023, lost my job due to company restructuring.

I’m convinced that long COVID, combined with significant stress from work, contributed to a re-injuring of the nerves which control my speaking and swallowing mechanisms. Internal scans this summer did not reveal any obvious signs of cancer recurrence and I’ve found several stories of people, including a popular country music star, getting a hoarse voice while recovering from COVID or other illness. However, given my health history, this has not been an easy time. One of the early commitments I made to myself was to not engage in ‘what if…’ thinking. As my voice and swallowing muscles have continued to heal, this remains my approach with things I don’t fully understand. What I’ve learned about the body and nutrition, is now expanding further into mental/emotional health. Topics I’ve explored briefly are now the center of my focus as I seek to build resiliency.  It’s also helpful to be married to a world-class speech pathologist who can help me with my voice.

Everyone complains about their job from time to time, but here’s what I had to deal with last summer: in the span of 1.5 weeks the CEO announced he was bringing in a co-CEO with a different management style, the leader of our entire department was fired, the VP quit, my direct supervisor quit, and my team was re-organized to a new department without clear goals.

Additionally, in Q4 they reassigned a recent new hire to lead our team. She was the wrong fit professionally, rude, lacking clear goals despite our feedback and recommendations, a poor communicator, would give inconsistent requests, and was indecisive. It got to the point where the 7 people on our team, led by her 2 closest direct reports, met to plan a unified recommendation to HR such as manager training. Annie and I spent a lot of time in prayer before this day as I believe Jesus wants to be with us in every part of our lives. What happened next was shocking in some ways, but in others may be the beginning of an important change. 

My team was prepared to begin the process with HR (or, as I told Annie, a mutiny!) when we woke up on the morning of Wednesday Jan 11th unable to log into our work laptops. Logging into work email from our phones revealed that the company sent an email to notify us that our role was eliminated effective earlier that morning. We were also blocked from logging in to the work servers to view or save work samples. By the end of the day we learned the company cut 20% of their global workforce (nearly 650 people) in several areas of the company (including the boss we were going to mutiny against, yay, but also, huh!?).

An answer to prayer? I’m still processing what went on, and recovering from a bad migraine in the tension leading up to all this. I now feel disappointed that I won’t be around to see how things play out, not just with the bad supervisor, but on work projects I was excited about and that had momentum internally. My work feels invalidated and I can’t give my point of view or let my voice be heard. This only reinforces past feelings of ‘am I doing enough here?’. Lessons have been learned and I’m getting organized before exploring what to do now. But I do know that my next step will be just as prayer filled as the past few months.

‘Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them…he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.’(Lk 6:47-48 esv). 

Here’s what else I’m loving during this season: literally any hike in this area. (clockwise from top left: Snoqualmie Falls, Echo Peak just a short distance from our house, Rattlesnake Ledge, Little Si, Mercer Slough.)

The Myth of Normal – Gabor Mate,

The Lord is My Courage – KJ Ramsey,

pick-up soccer in downtown Seattle,

and thankful Lizzo keeps cranking out the hits…what 😉?

2022 in photos: Moved Faith to a new barn, lots of hiking, community involvement/business promotion, neighborhood Turkey Trot (the fastest couple!), riding in the snow

Matt: I was invited to share my testimony and healing story-to-date at our Portland church prior to the holidays. It was my first time talking publicly about what I’ve learned over the past 2 years. Pastor Jared has become a good friend of mine and I was grateful for the opportunity to share. Below are a couple ways to listen to the recording of our conversation:

Link to recording on Apple/iTunes

Link to The Remnant’s podcast page

Link to recording on Spotify

Annie: October 5, 2021 we had a counseling appointment where it just became obvious that we needed to go ahead a buy a house. It was a bigger realization to me than Matt, but it came from such a simple question…”so if the work-from-office gets pushed out further, would you just stay in the apartment?” That wouldn’t move my plans, dreams, goals ahead–I had to let go of what’s familiar to get to the next chapter.

Matt was able to track down an out-of-town realtor to help us start looking. The realtor sent us pages and pages of listings in several areas, but I narrowed it down to 3 homes in one area. We did a before-church video tour of the homes on October 17th and decided that we wanted to make an offer on one of them. The house had an offer deadline of the 19th, so we thought we’d have some time to mull it over. The realtor found out that the sellers were planning to take an earlier offer, so we scrambled to toss our hat into the ring by noon on the 18th and only about 20 minutes after submitting the offer we were called by our realtor with the greeting, “Congratulations!” So, in another leap-of-faith moment, we bought a house we’d never stepped foot into.

We were able to close quickly and made our first load trip, including the dog on November 15th. We did the 3 flights of stairs a bajillion times to load the apartment into a giant moving truck and then left just before noon. The day was stormy, rainy, gusty, gross–all the signs that this was a bad idea. But as I followed behind Matt, who drove the moving truck, I frequently saw rainbows created from the spray kicked up by the tires and was reminded that we’re not going it alone or outside God’s promises. It turned sunny and clear a little less than an hour from arrival.

When we got to the house the power was out because of the earlier storms. We unloaded the truck hurriedly with the waning daylight. A smoke detector started to chirp and it started to get pretty cold in the house. We dropped off the rental truck, and sought out a grocery store with power (and bought a flashlight, some dinner items and a 9V battery) and came back to the house to unpack by candle light (somehow they came in the first load!). We bundled up for bed expecting a cold night when the power came on around 9:30. Sigh of relief after a very long day!

We drove back to the apartment the next day with the dog and packed up load number two from a storage unit, had a pig-pile slumber party with the pets (used couch cushions and random blankets) on the apartment living room floor and on the 17th (a gorgeous sunny day) I drove all the house-pets in my car while Matt drove a moving truck again. Crossing the interstate bridge first, I called back to Matt letting him know that he’d be in for a treat if he was in the right-most lane–our Mount Hood in full snowy glory with a river full of sailboats in the foreground! That’s right, we’ve moved to Washington. Renton to be precise.

I hurried ahead of Matt so that I could make it in time to meet my horse who had also boarded transport that morning. Apparently, Faith was the “emotional support animal” for the other horse being transported and such a good girl! She is loved at her new barn by the people and other horses. Faith has taken a particular liking to the 5 miniature horses and seems to attract all manner of fauna, it’s kinda like Snow White & the Seven Dwarves.

We’re making good progress on setting up house here and finding that the house is even better than we imagined–it’s going to be perfect for my speech therapy practice when I get my Washington speech-language pathologist license (probably in January). Although I’ve felt discouraged at times or anxious to get my practice going, I’m thankful that I can trust in God’s timing.