Matt: I’m back!
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the return of cancer and possible reasons why it took a seizure to bring me to the doctor’s office.
I’ve made some decisions that I regret. Cancer patients want to hear that there is ‘no evidence of disease’. When my doctors said there was ‘there was no active cancer’ in early 2021 and we moved later in the year, I stopped taking the medicine, and relaxed some of my diet protocols. I really didn’t include Annie in this decision and that created a lot of distance between us. Reflecting on the past couple of years, I’ve started a new job, moved to a new state with no community around us, and Annie started her business. Each a high stress event in its own right. When I was laid off in January of this year, my body sent me signals that I continued to ignore until my brain stopped functioning as it should, leading to a seizure.
Clearly there’s disappointment about where I’m at right now. It feels like I’ve missed most of 2023. It’s humbling, lonely, and strange to just sit quietly and heal. For someone who still defines a lot of self worth and identity from what I accomplish, this year has been very disorienting. But, I am now able to do more around the house and my perception of self worth is changing.
The oncologist returned me to the same targeted therapy I was on in 2020. I am also going back to a more focused diet and lifestyle adjustments I’ve done in the past. Bring on the garlic!
The big lesson for me is the importance of getting help when things aren’t quite right healthwise and before I need it. The brain tumors were responsible for the nausea, balance issues, and seizure earlier this year. For cases like mine, doctors typically prescribe steroids to reduce inflammation. However, the high level of steroids also caused terrible hallucinations and difficulty telling dreams from reality. I am honestly thankful Annie is still by my side. Even now we play the game ‘Real or not real’ with memories I have from the month of May.
Meals are a lot less fun currently. For now, I pour meals, supplements and medicine directly into my stomach with my feeding tube. I affectionately call it ‘Tubie’. I get a normal amount of calories for each meal 3-4 times a day through this guy, but I don’t taste anything. For a foodie/home chef like me, this is fairly tormenting. Additionally, the formula does not provide great calories and there is some cow-milk in the formula. I supplement the formula with a juice or smoothie of my own concoction and it has greatly improved my microbiome. My weight is slowly increasing. Not sure how long I’ll need the tube, but I’m thankful for it as I still can’t swallow anything other than saliva.
I am greatly encouraged by such ‘marked improvement’ in recent scans. A brain MRI in mid-July showed significant improvement of tumors in the brain and a chest CT scan will happen sometime in late August. I no longer take the steroids (Praise the Lord!). I’ll continue with the anti-seizure meds a while more, but I am not epileptic so they will not likely be lifelong. There is a different anti-seizure medication I can switch to with no risk of heart rhythm impact. Also, my clinical evaluation with the neurologist was normal. Correctly counting all his fingers during the peripheral vision component of the test was a particular win for me!
Currently loving Landscape artist of the year on Amazon Prime Video. A key theme is not doing too much.
“Life is like a landscape; you live in the midst of it but can describe it only from the vantage point of distance” [Charles Lindbergh]
Prayer requests:
- For healing, especially for my swallow
- For discernment how/when to navigate returning to work, and next steps for Annie applying to jobs
- To be better at hearing from God in all things and waiting on Him
- Changing anti-seizure medicines and no drug interactions or negative side effects
- For a timely correction to an insurance adjustment that currently says we owe $15,000 (caused by an insurance oversight)
Matt & Annie - Journey 